


Inappropriate Thoughts

by soullessfollower98



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-02-03 05:03:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1732154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soullessfollower98/pseuds/soullessfollower98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a few weeks before his wedding, Edward realizes he has feelings for someone else. But it's not who he, or anybody else for that matter, would've expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Oh hell.

Oh holy _hell_.

I shouldn’t be thinking these things. I’m obviously on a deserted island with my thoughts, because he’s _not_ thinking about the same things I am. Though he has hidden things from me before. It’s very possible…

He’s _not!_

Why the fuck would he be? It’s not like our relationship has noticeably changed! No, it’s just me. Something changed within _me_.

I can remember the _moment_ things changed! God, it was like when Bella’s scent hit me for the first time. It had just completely washed over me, for no apparent reason, and I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him from that moment on.

And that was a week ago. One hundred and sixty eight hours ago. One hundred thousand eighty minutes ago. Six hundred four thousand eight hundred seconds ago.

Why hadn’t this happened years ago? I’ve been living with the man for nearly one hundred years, and yet I have never thought of those lips as delicious and kissable…

That’s because they _aren’t!_ No, they most definitely are not! _Bella’s_ lips are delicious and kissable! Bella, who I am _engaged_ to! _Bella!_

“Edward,” Bella called then. “Are you alright?”

Why was she asking me if I was alright? Why wouldn’t I be alright? “I’m fine, Bella.”

“The water turned off fifteen minutes ago,” Bella said, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that her cheeks were a tantalizing pink.

The water turned off…oh. For fifteen minutes I’d just been standing in front of the bathroom mirror, my hair still unruly and wet, thinking about _him_. All because I happened to get a whiff of his shampoo.

I suddenly realized where my hand was, and I vaguely wondered why I didn’t remember putting it there. The more dominant part of me said “Ew, you sick fuck.”

I just shook my head, washed my hands (thoroughly), then got dressed and went back into my room. Bella was sprawled out on my bed, reading a book, but she looked up when she heard me come in.

“How was your shower?” she asked quietly. I had noticed her take several deep breaths, so my hypothesis was that I smelled good. And she was smelling me.

Hey, it’s not like I didn’t smell her.

“It was good,” I said, sitting down next to her on the bed. My throat burned and venom filled my mouth, but I did my best to ignore it. It had been easier since I had thought she was dead. I was absolutely sure I’d _never_ kill her now. I knew how it felt to think Bella Swan wasn’t on this Earth anymore; it hurt like nothing I’d ever felt.

“I was just reading.” Bella smiled and held up her book, but at that moment I didn’t especially care what book it was.

I barely had time to prepare myself for the wall of emotions that hit me when my “father” opened the door to my room and took a step in.

“Hello, Bella,” he said warmly, his honey gold eyes resting on my fiancée. Then his gaze flickered over to me, and my breath caught in my throat.

Oh god, oh god, oh _god._ He was gorgeous. It was his day off work, so he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, something unusual for him. But something that made him look unbearably sexy.

“Edward-” I repressed a shiver at the sound of him saying my name. “-could you come downstairs for a minute? Jasper wanted to speak to you.”

I took a deep breath and nodded, then got off the bed and walked right past my father, my arm barely brushing his chest. Even though it was just the ghost of a touch, it made me want to feel _more_. It made me want to push him against the wall, rip off his t-shirt, and taste every inch of his beautifully built chest. I wanted his scent to fill me, to surround me in absolutely every way possible; I wanted to get high off of it. God, I wanted to get high off _him…_

“Edward?” Carlisle asked. “Are you alright, son?”

_I was having a fantasy about my father._ “Yes, just searching through Jasper’s thoughts to see what he could possibly want to talk to me about.”

_Nice save, Cullen._

“He said you were having mood swings?” Carlisle’s eyes showed concern for me, and I wondered then what Jasper had told him.

_“Hey, dad, Edward’s been getting increasingly horny around you lately. You have any idea why?”_

Oh yes…that’d certainly be a conversation that would kill me.

I remembered then that Carlisle was staring at me, waiting for a response, so I just cleared my throat and looked away from him.

“Uh, yeah. Mood swings. I’ve been…thinking. About the wedding. How Bella’s handling everything. Y’know…”

“Oh, yes. That does make sense. I don’t know why Jasper’s so concerned, then.” _Are you sure it’s not something else, son?_

Carlisle couldn’t help but ask me what he was really thinking. Sometimes he held those thoughts back until we weren’t talking anymore, but most of the time his thoughts directly contradicted what he said.

“I’m fine…dad.” I was hesitant to call him _dad_. I should start calling him Carlisle more. No, I should start _always_ calling him Carlisle. _Yes, Edward, because calling him “Carlisle” instead of “dad” really justifies your feelings for him._

“Alright, Edward. Go talk to Jasper, assure him you’re fine. I will talk to you later.” Carlisle turned away from me and went into his study, and I just continued on my way downstairs.

I heard Jasper’s thoughts coming from…outside? Yes, he was outside with Alice, across the river. I shrugged, then ran to the tree he and Alice were at. Alice was sitting _in_ the tree, and Jasper was leaning against it.

“Why are you guys out here?” I asked before either of them could speak. “Are you going to kill me, then throw my body in the river?”

Alice smiled a little, but Jasper’s expression was sullen. I decided not to make any more jokes for the duration of this chat.

“We’re out here because nobody back at the house can hear us,” Jasper said, his voice low. “And we wouldn’t want _Carlisle_ hearing this conversation, would we?”

Okay, so this was about Carlisle. I had figured he was going to talk to me eventually. It’s not like he could easily ignore feelings of intense lust directed at our father.

“What about Carlisle?” I asked, also keeping my voice low. “Are he and Esme having marriage issues?” It was meant to be a serious question, but had come out as more of a joke. _Damn._ So much for the ‘no more jokes’ thing.

“Stop beating around the bush,” Jasper hissed, making me take a step back. I hadn’t thought he would be so _irritated_ at my emotions. Though I probably could’ve prepared more for this conversation if I had actually been paying attention to everybody’s thoughts. Not just Carlisle’s…

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine. What about Carlisle?”

“What the _hell_?” Jasper pretty much growled. “Every time he’s near you, your lust spikes, and it’s all I can to not send it out in waves to everybody in the house.”

“Recently I have had...strange feelings…for our father.” I really could’ve worded that better.

“What about Bella?” Alice asked, speaking for the first time. “Do you still love Bella?”

“Of course,” I answered automatically. Though some parts of my brain were actually considering the question. _Did_ I love her?

Wait, what was I _doing_? I’d only been obsessed with Carlisle for a _week_. I’d been obsessed with Bella for a year. Bella should definitely beat Carlisle.

But Carlisle was just…oh god, he was magnificent. That shoulder length, wavy blond hair, those hypnotizing amber eyes, that tight, scrumptious ass…

“You’re thinking about him!” Jasper cried. “I know you are! There was just a very noticeable spike in lust!”

“Do you want me to deny it?” I growled. “Because I _can’t._ I can’t deny that, for some reason, I have feelings for our father! I can’t deny that one week ago, I saw him kissing Esme, and I got jealous! And then it just continued from there! _That’s_ what did it, Jasper! I saw him kissing our mother, and suddenly _I_ wanted to be the one he was kissing! I don’t _want_ to feel like this! I’m engaged, for fuck’s sake!”

I felt a wave of calm wash over me, and I sighed and leaned against a tree that was a couple feet away from Jasper. He was a life saver sometimes…

_You’re welcome_ , Jasper thought, feeling my gratitude. _You were getting so angry, it was only a matter of time before you knocked down a tree._

“Yeah, well, I’m moody right now,” I mumbled. “It’s all Daddy’s fault…”

_Should you even call him that?_ Alice thought, seeming genuinely curious. _You should start thinking of him as your friend, not your father. It would help you be less disgusted with yourself._

“At least you didn’t see him fighting the newborns,” Jasper said, unaware of Alice’s mental comment. “Esme thought it was fucking _hot_.”

“How do you know that?” I asked, trying not to remember the sounds I’d heard coming from Carlisle’s study that night. “I mean, yeah, everybody in the entire house heard them, but that doesn’t mean that it was because of the battle.”

“During the battle, which as you know, was very intense, I’d just feel random spikes of lust, coming from Esme. I figured out that it was whenever Carlisle killed a newborn.”

I couldn’t help but imagine Carlisle in fighting mode, killing the newborn army. It was so different from his usual, calm self. He was usually so nonviolent…I could completely understand why Esme could find that hot.

It was silent for a few minutes, while Jasper thought of the battle, Alice thought of a sale at the mall tomorrow, and I thought of what it would’ve been like if Carlisle had fought the newborns shirtless.

Suddenly, Alice blurted out, “I’ve always wanted to have a gay brother!”

My eyes widened, and I quickly shook my head. “No. I’m not gay. I’m still gonna marry Bella.”

Alice looked…surprised. “What? Really?”

“I thought you said he calls off the wedding,” Jasper whispered, though I could still hear him _perfectly._

I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, but Alice and Jasper were acting like I wasn’t standing _right in fucking front of them._

“He does,” Alice said. “I guess he’s not there yet…”

“Not _where_?” I cried. “This is already tormenting me, I don’t see where else it could go!”

“All I know is that it gets worse.” Alice looked at the ground, away from my still wide eyes. “You start feeling guilty, so that’s why you call off the wedding…”

“No.” I shook my head. “No, no, _no_. This is just a…” Fuck. What was it? Did I have a crush on my _dad_? “It’s just unwanted feelings. I can make them go away.”

“Then why haven’t you?” Alice asked quietly, and I opened my mouth to answer her, but then closed it.

Why hadn’t I?


	2. Chapter 2

“Edward?”

 _Fucking hell…_ “Hm?”

“Jasper said he wanted to see you again.” _Did you two not get everything resolved?_

“I thought we did.”

_Should I be worried, son?_

“No. Everything is fine. I think he’s actually going to talk to me about Bella’s recent emotions.” _Now just stop calling me son!_

Carlisle smirked. “You think?”

 _Why is he…?_ “Uh, yes, I think.” It was really all I could do not to stutter like a nervous child.

Carlisle’s playful smirk faded a bit. “I was just poking fun at you, Edward. Usually you know things for sure, because of your gift.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry. Distracted.” _By your god-like attractiveness._

_Are you sure you’re alright, Edward?_

_Get ugly and I will be._ “Yes, Carlisle. I’m perfectly fine. Why are you so worried?” I didn’t know what I expected him to say. That he’d noticed I looked extra horny lately? Did that even make sense? I didn’t think I looked especially horny. What did I even look like when I was horny?

“I don’t know, you look…” Carlisle paused, and I held my breath. _Oh my god. Please don’t say horny._ “Different. Nervous. It’s just… _something._ ”

“Well there’s nothing wrong, Carlisle,” I lied. “Honestly.”

Of _course_ there was something wrong. How could anybody be okay if, for the past two weeks, you’d developed a _crush_ on your _father_? Real father or not, it still made you feel disgusting. Like a complete and total pervert.

“Okay,” Carlisle said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I believe you, Edward. You’d tell me if anything was wrong, though, right?”

 _Not this._ “Of course.” _Never this._

He would _never_ know about this. It would pass, and eventually it would just be something that Jasper and I laughed about. It would be called “That Two Week Period Where Edward Liked Carlisle” and it would be fucking hilarious.

Right now it was hell, though. My own little personal hell. The kind of hell that makes your chest ache, but also makes you have _fantastic_ day dreams.

That was the _only_ good thing about this, though. If anybody would even consider it good.

“Edward?” Carlisle asked, and I actually shivered. “Are you gonna go talk to Jasper?”

I nodded, then got off my bed and quickly walked past him, making sure not to accidentally touch him at all. If I did, well…who knows _what_ would happen…

Jasper’s thoughts were, again, coming from outside, except Alice wasn’t with him this time. When I finally got to where I had _thought_ he was, I heard his plan of attack too late. Soon I was being slammed into a tree, one of Jasper’s strong hands wrapped around my neck, choking me.

“ _Control your fucking emotions,_ ” he snarled at me, his grip on my neck tightening. Good thing I didn’t need to breathe. “I can’t _handle_ this anymore, Edward. I’m going to _explode_.”

“ _You’re_ going to explode?” I choked out. “What about _me_? _I’m_ the one who has to deal with all this shit _first hand!_ ”

“Everything is _amplified_ for me, Edward. _Your_ feelings are stronger to me. I have to deal with it _more_ than you do.” Jasper’s voice was low and menacing, but at least he wasn’t growling.

“Why do you think everything is amplified?” I asked, making my voice match his as much as I could. He _was_ still choking me, and while it didn’t hurt, it made it hard to talk.

“Because.” Jasper’s grip on me tightened. “It would be impossibly for you to feel this strongly towards him. It’s only been two weeks.”

Oh _hell_. If Jasper thought my feelings were too strong, I was in this deeper than I thought. I was in _deep_ shit.

“Jasper,” I said hesitantly, adjusting myself so I could speak better. Jasper’s grip just tightened. “Jasper, why are you so angry?”

His grip loosened a little, and I could tell the question had surprised him.

“I don’t know,” he answered after a couple minutes of contemplation. “I just don’t like feeling such intense feelings of lust, and…passion…towards my father.”

“I don’t either. Did you think I did?”

Jasper shook his head, then _finally_ let go of my now sore neck. “I don’t know what I thought about you. I just know that you…god, Edward, you-”

“Don’t,” I interrupted. “I can’t hear it. It’ll make it true.”

“But, Edward-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” I snapped. “I’m not going to listen to you.”

“That is awfully immature of you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I am immature.”

“Your emotions are _very_ mature.”

 _No_. I just told him _not_ to!

I took off running back towards the house, not caring that I was just leaving him standing there. I didn’t want him to tell me how strong of emotions I was emitting; I didn’t want to know about _anything_. I wanted to deal with it on my own, let it pass without hearing proof that Carlisle will _never_ feel the same way.

I ran into the house, and that’s when I realized the white button up shirt I’d decided to wear was covered in dirt and tree bark.

And then, of course, Carlisle walked into the kitchen, where I was leaning against the counter, breathing heavily. I was trying to get the excess emotions from Jasper out of my system.

“Edward, what happened?” Carlisle quickly walked over to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and I immediately stopped breathing. _Oh god. He was touching me. He was fucking touching me._

I looked down at his hand, his strong, pale hand, that was resting on _my_ shoulder. My gaze slowly went up his arm, to his shoulder, and finally, I was staring into his gorgeous gold eyes. God, they were _beautiful_. I didn’t know why his stood out, I mean, all of our eyes were gold. But they were just amazing.

 _He_ was amazing…

“Edward?” Carlisle’s voice had gotten softer, less worried. “What’s wrong?”

Why was he asking me what was _wrong_? How could _anything_ be wrong right now? I could stare into his golden eyes for the rest of eternity and be perfectly alright with it.

“Nothing,” I whispered, answering him. “Nothing at all.”

Carlisle nodded, then took his hand off my shoulder. He turned around and walked out of the kitchen, and it felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest.

Did he not feel the connection? There was one; I had felt it, I could _still_ feel it. My shoulder was tingling, my breathing was heavy, my _hands_ were _shaking_!  Could he have stood there, staring into my eyes, and not felt a _thing_?

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, and when I pulled it out to look, it was a message from Jasper.

“You’re in deep shit, bro.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I don’t know how to fix this, Jazz…”

“Just focus more on Bella. You’re getting married in a week and a half.”

I turned to face him, and he just looked at me with a slightly concerned slightly amused expression on his face. I repressed the urge to growl at him. “I _can’t_ get married while having a crush on my _father_.” Huh. That _was_ kind of a growl.

“He’s not really your father,” Jasper said. “Think of him as your friend who decided to bite you one day.”

_Oh I’d love it if he bit me…_ “That’s not creepy.”

Jasper raised his eyebrows at me, feeling the wave of lust that had come over me. “Dude, not that kind of…damn it, Edward…”

“I’m _sorry_!” I got up off of the ground and started pacing back and forth between two trees. “Alice was fucking right, I have to call off the wedding!”

“No, she wasn’t right,” Jasper said calmly. “Sometimes Alice is wrong. Don’t make any stupid decisions, Edward.”

“I am stupid, Jasper. You can’t tell a stupid person not to make any stupid decisions.”

Jasper sighed. “Just…go back to the house. Isn’t Esme cooking dinner for Bella tonight?”

A little spark of jealousy flared up inside me at the mention of Esme, but I tried to push it away. “Yes, she is. Esme is making…” I searched through all the thoughts back at the house, only to find that Esme was not preparing for Bella’s dinner, but fucking Carlisle in their shower. “Oh, _god_ …”

“What? Is she making spaghetti? That shit smells horrible.”

I shook my head, then bolted farther away from the house, farther than Jasper and I already were, just so I wouldn’t have to have those images fill my head.

A couple seconds later, Jasper caught up with me, screaming profanities at me in his head.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Carlisle and Esme were going at it in their bathroom.”

“They’re _allowed_ to, Edward!” Jasper pushed me up against a tree, and I didn’t struggle. “Listen to me. You have to get over this. One way or another, you have to get over this. Obviously just staying away from him isn’t enough. You need to get rejected, Edward.”

_Wait, what?_ “Huh?”

“That’s how you get over someone. You get rejected.”

“But to get rejected, I’d have to…” _Oh HELL no._ “I’m _not_ telling my _father_ that I’m in love with him!”

“So you’re in love with him?”

_Did I just say that I was in love with him?_ “No. Of course not. I have a…crush…on him…”

Jasper rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, bro. Anyway, yes, you have to tell him. Or I will. But wouldn’t you rather do it yourself?”

“No?”

Jasper then started imagining _how_ he would tell him.

_“Jasper, what’s wrong? You usually never visit me at work.”_

_“Oh, I just have some important news about Edward. Do you mind if I come in?”_

_Carlisle took a step back to allow Jasper to walk into his office. “Edward is having doubts about the wedding, yes?”_

_Jasper took two steps into the small office, then leaned against the wall. “Yes, you could say that.”_

_“What do you mean, Jasper?”_

_Jasper smirked. “Daddy, how do you expect your son to get married when all he wants to do is suck your dick?”_

I punched him in his right eye, making him stumble backwards and fall into a tree.

“He doesn’t have to know, _douchebag_ ,” I growled. “I’m _not_ gonna tell him. And neither are you. You hear me?”

Jasper didn’t answer me; he just giggled like a little schoolgirl.

I kicked him in the crotch. “ _Do you hear me_?”

Again, he ignored me. “You wanna suck-”

“STOP!” I kicked him again, then ran back to the house. When I walked into the kitchen, Esme was running around gathering things to make Bella’s dinner.

_Running a little late, huh?_

“Edward!” Esme had noticed me, and she was thrusting a sauce packet into my hands. “Please, help me with Bella’s dinner. I’m a little off schedule.”

_No, really?_

“How come?” I asked as I started mixing the sauce ingredients in a pot. “Other motherly business to tend to?” _Like my father?_

“Oh, um, yes.” Esme started putting the spaghetti noodles into a very large pot. _Wait, spaghetti? Damn it. Jasper’s right; the shit does smell terrible._ “Carlisle needed help, uh, fixing the shower.”

_Why was Esme even attempting to lie to me?_ _Not only is she a terrible liar, I can read her mind!_ Though her lie was quite obvious, I didn’t call her out on it. I didn’t want to, and I could tell she didn’t want me to either.

When the spaghetti was able to left alone for a little, Esme ran back upstairs to fix her hair, which she had not brushed after getting out of the shower. I just stayed in the kitchen, tending to the food as much as I could. I knew nothing about cooking, and I didn’t really need to.

Eventually, Carlisle wandered into the kitchen, wondering what had the house smelling so bad.

“Oh, hello, Edward,” he said, seeming surprised that I was in there. “Where’s Esme?”

_Upstairs fixing her fuck hair._ “Upstairs.”

Carlisle chuckled, and to my horror, he started remembering his highly memorable shower. In detail.

I whimpered despite myself, and Carlisle cleared his throat. “Oh, um, sorry Edward. Didn’t mean to scar you.”

“You’ve done worse,” I said lightly, and I even smiled. But inside I was dying. He wasn’t scarring me; he was killing me. It was almost like torture to have to live near him because of how much I wanted him. It was so obvious that he didn’t want me, but he hadn’t said the _words_! He needed to say the words! I needed to hear them!

_I needed to get rejected. Jasper was right._

“Are you alright, Edward?” Carlisle asked, and he took a step closer to me. I just backed up until I was leaning against the counter.

I opened my mouth, planning to tell him, to just say it, but my throat closed up. _Everybody in the house could hear me. Emmett, Rose, Esme. They would all know._

“Edward?” Carlisle asked again, taking _another_ step closer to me. “Are you okay?”

“Meet me in the woods,” I breathed, my nerves making my voice so quiet that only a vampire would’ve been able to hear me. “Far enough away that nobody here will be able to hear us.”


	4. Chapter 4

My hands were shaking as Carlisle and I walked through the forest. Neither of us had spoken, he had just repeatedly asked me what’s wrong in his thoughts. I had just ignored him and kept walking.

Oh, he had _no_ idea what was wrong.

 _Edward, where are we going?_ he asked after we passed the tree that Jasper and I always met at. _Nobody can hear us._

“I know,” I whispered, my voice unable to get stronger. Why was I so nervous? I didn’t even think it was possible for vampires to get nervous, let alone _hand shaking_ nervous.

“Edward,” Carlisle said, and he put his hand on my shoulder. “Son, what’s wrong?”

_Son. He thinks of me as his son._

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. What was I even _doing_? I couldn’t be about to tell my _father_ I had a crush on him. That for the past two weeks I’d been able to think of nothing _but_ him. That if I could dream, I’d be dreaming of him, and not Bella, my fiancée.

But I _had_ to tell him! I couldn’t just think these things without him ever knowing! Jasper was right; I needed to get rejected! I _needed_ it!

So why couldn’t I just say it?

I opened my mouth, getting ready to say it, to tell him, and his phone rang.

His fucking phone rang.

I closed my mouth, and Carlisle looked at me apologetically before answering it.

“Hello? Jasper, what’s wrong?”

 _Today will be the day Jasper dies_.

“ _What_? No, I would’ve heard, but Edward said he wanted to talk with me in private.”

_Yeah, that’s right, Jazz, I was doing what you told me to do. Now GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE._

When he didn’t hang up that very second, I started planning ways to torture him for this. Obviously he was just fucking with me by calling Carlisle the _second_ I was about to tell him about my feelings. Maybe he was out in the forest listening to us. I scanned the forest for thoughts other than Carlisle’s, and all I got were several animals.

Could something actually be wrong?

I shoved my feelings of anger away and started listening to Carlisle and Jasper’s conversation.

“She and Emmett were playing Wii, and then she went to go get somethin’ to drink, and we all heard this thump,” Jasper explained. “When we went in there, she was lying on the ground, passed out.”

_Bella’s hurt?_

“Where is she now?” Carlisle asked, transitioning into Doctor Mode. “You guys got her off the floor, right?”

“Yes, of course!” I head Alice cry from somewhere else in the room Jasper was in. “She’s only gonna be okay if you and Edward come home right _now_!”

“Okay, okay, we’re on our way,” Carlisle said, then he hung up and looked at me. “Edward, son,-” Flinch. “-we must get home to Bella. We can talk another time, yes?”

I nodded. “Yes, of course, Carlisle.”

As we ran back to the house, I tried not to be angry with Bella.

The anger was completely irrational. It’s not like Bella somehow planned to fall and hit her head just so I wouldn’t be able to tell Carlisle my feelings. Or…did she? It would make sense; if Carlisle reciprocated my feelings, I would be forced to leave her for him. By making sure I didn’t ever tell him, she was making sure that I would stay with her.

When we arrived at the house, I had come to the conclusion that I was going insane.

Why would my _fiancée_ purposely _fall_ and hurt herself just so I wouldn’t leave her? How did she even know about my feelings about Carlisle, anyway? Did Alice…? _No._ She wouldn’t. She better not have. The little pixie would definitely –

“Edward?”

I looked up to see Carlisle staring at me. We were in the kitchen, and I had been looking at the floor while immersed in my thoughts.

“Yes, Carlisle?”

“Bella is in your room.” _Are you alright, son?_

 _Son_. That was really starting to get to me. “Yes, I’m fine. I’ll go up and see her.”

I went upstairs and into my room, and Bella opened her eyes. She looked paler than usual, and she has an ice pack sitting on top of her head. Good job, Jasper. An ice pack.

“Hi.” She smiled sheepishly. “I fell in the kitchen.”

The girl in front of me was so completely innocent that it made my dead heart ache. How could I ever have thought of her doing something so malicious? She had just…fallen.

“I swear, Bella,” I said, smiling and shaking my head, “you have two left feet. What happened?”

Her smile grew less sheepish and more genuine, and she sat up a little. “I was going to get a drink, and I guess Esme had just mopped the floor, and I slipped and fell. The next thing I remember, I’m in here and Esme is giving me pain relievers.”

“How did she know what pain relievers to give you?” Esme was the wife of a doctor, so she did know _some_ things, but she usually consulted Carlisle before giving Bella any medication.

“She called Carlisle. You didn’t notice?”

I really _hadn’t_ noticed. Good thing, too. I might have growled. “No, I guess not. I was really worried, Bella.”

She smiled a bit more, and I wondered how loopy the pain medication was making her. “I’m okay, Edward. Really. Just a small headache.”

I sat down next to her on the bed and held her hand. “That’s from all the drugs Esme gave you. Your head should hurt more in a couple hours.”

“Don’t tell her that!” Esme cried, coming into the room. “Your head will be fine, honey.”

I just rolled my eyes, trying not to notice how she hadn’t completely tamed her fuck hair. “I’m just being honest with the girl.”

“Well _still_.” Esme started adjusting Bella’s pillow, rubbing the spot where she hit her head, just being all…motherly.

That’s all Esme was, really. And she was good at it. She was meant to have kids, and I guess a group of perpetual teenagers was gonna have to suffice. But Esme would never complain even if it wasn’t enough for her.

Carlisle came into the room then, but I zoned out. I didn’t want to have to see him and Esme work together to make sure my fiancée was alright. What I wanted, more than ever, was to just go back to the way things were before Bella. It was horrible of me to say that, and I hated myself for wanting it, because I really did love Bella, but things were so much simpler back then. Yes, I had been excruciatingly lonely, but was all this really worth it?

A couple minutes later Carlisle left, the conversation I almost had with him distracting me from my beautiful fiancée.


	5. Chapter 5

“Edward?”

I flinched.

Why couldn’t I just get over this? If I was going to get married, I couldn’t be secretly crushing on my _father_ at the same time. God, my _father_. Jasper was right, I should just think of him as my friend who-

“Son?”

I got up off my bed, where I’d been trying to read, and opened the door. “ _What?_ ”

Carlisle’s thoughts were blank with shock for a moment. I did not get mad often, and I definitely hadn’t gotten mad at _him_ lately.

“I just came to see if you would like to go hunting, Edward…” he said softly. “You haven’t hunted in awhile…”

I took an unnecessary deep breath, trying to calm myself. Apparently Jasper wasn’t around, or he’d be helping me. “I’m sorry, Carlisle. I just…I would like to try and relax.”

 _Are you having doubts about the wedding?_ he asked me mentally before he could stop himself. _I’m sorry, Edward. That was rude of me to ask. I know you love Bella._

“I am having doubts.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not in love with Bella anymore.” _It’ll be easy, Edward. Just say it. No one else is home. No one else will have to know. You can end this._

“What?” Carlisle gasped. “But…Edward…why?”

“I…” My throat closed up. I tried to get the rest of my sentence out, but my vocal cords stopped working.

“Are you alright, son?”

_Son. He thinks of me as his SON._

I pushed past him and went downstairs, heading straight the table by the front door with my keys on it. _I needed to get out of here._

“Edward?” Carlisle called, and I heard his footsteps get louder and louder as he got closer to me. He was very confused; his thoughts were in fragments. From what I could gather, he was trying to figure out what had gotten me so upset.

Oh, he had _no_ idea.

I grabbed my keys, opened the door leading to the garage, and walked in. I slammed it shut behind me, something that was unnecessary, but maybe it would let Carlisle know that I really _did not_ want to talk right now.

But, of course, a couple seconds later, I heard it squeak right back open, and Carlisle’s footsteps were once again following me.

I just got into my car, put the keys in the ignition, revved the engine, then drove off. It took some major self control, but I didn’t even look back.

* * *

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Tanya pouted. “I bet I could make you feel better.”

“I doubt it.”

“You wanna test that theory?”

I repressed a sigh. I should’ve known that Tanya was going to try something. She was well aware of the fact that I was with Bella, that I was getting married in five days, that I was _not_ interested in her. She still tried, though. Maybe somehow she knew that Bella and I wouldn’t last.

Tanya sighed at my lack of a response. “I know, you’re getting married, blah blah blah…”

“I’m calling off the wedding…” I said softly, and Tanya’s eyes widened.

“ _Why?_ ”

“I…” Oh god. How do I keep getting myself into these situations? “I’m…I’m not in love with Bella anymore.”

“What happened?”

I looked up at her for the first time, and she was sitting on a rock, her knees up to her chest. She was an undeniably attractive woman, but yet, I still couldn’t seem to get Carlisle out of my head.

“I have feelings for another person,” I said carefully, making sure not to specify on gender.

“Another woman?”

_Damn it Tanya._

“Not exactly…” I whispered after about thirty seconds of contemplation.

“Who, Edward?”

More contemplation.

Then: “Carlisle…”

Tanya’s eyes got even wider. “ _Carlisle_? As in your _father_? Edward, what are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think straight. Marrying Bella just doesn’t make sense anymore.” I laughed a little at how nonsensical my words were. “Doesn’t make sense. Oh, none of this makes sense! I’m in love with my _father_ , Tanya!”

“You have obviously forgotten what loving a woman feels like.” _Maybe you should try and jog your memory._

With that, Tanya hopped down from her rock, and sat down right in front of me. Now we were both sitting in the snow, the coldness not affecting us at all. She leaned in and kissed me, and, after a few seconds, I kissed back.

Was this what kissing Carlisle would feel like? Warm lips, not burning hot ones? No overpowering burn in my throat?

Tanya suddenly pulled away, and when I blinked, she was already back up on her rock. She was grinning, and it was obvious that if she had been a human, she would’ve been blushing.

“Thank you, Tanya,” I said slowly, “but that did not help much.”

“Really?”

“Well…kissing you and kissing Carlisle would most likely feel similar, because you are both vampires.”

Tanya rolled her eyes. “Trust me, Edward. My kisses are one of a kind.”

I chuckled. “Yes, of course they are.”

Tanya’s smile grew wider, then she hopped down from her rock again, kissed my forehead, and ran off. There was not one footprint left in the snow.

I was positive she was going to tell her sisters that she kissed me. And _then_ she would explain that I was not in love with Bella anymore, and that I was calling off the wedding. I hoped she would be kind enough to leave out the part about me being in love with Carlisle…

I sighed, then stood up. Though Denali was absolutely beautiful, I did need to get back to Forks. I had to talk to Alice about how to tell Bella that the wedding was off. The wedding that was _my_ idea.

I turned around and started running towards my car. It was only a three mile run; not far at all. It gave me time to think, as well.

When I finally made it back to my car, I was frozen by a _much_ too familiar scent.

He had followed me here? Why had I not heard his thoughts? Had I been too immersed in my own?

Right on cue, Carlisle emerged from behind a tree, an almost unreadable expression on his face.

The only thing I _could_ read: Guilt.


End file.
